By Delappe’ Russell
‘I am not what has happened to me…I choose what I become.’ Carl Jung.
Self Esteem is the feelings you have about yourself. Having self efficacy is the belief that you have of yourself about your capabilities to set and reach goals.
It is the degree to which you feel worthy, capable, significant and effective.
Your self esteem develops over time from the experiences you have at school, at home, at work, in your social life and in society at large. NO ONE person or event can determine your level of self esteem, it ebbs and flows through life, according to your life lessons, but generally you develop a high or a low self esteem.
Positive experiences and satisfying relationships tend to lead to higher self esteem. Role models and your interactions with them like your parents, teachers, coaches or friends who show characteristics of high self esteem also help influence your self esteem.
With high self esteem you can be the person you would like to be, enjoy what others have to offer and give more of yourself. Some virtues you will display and use with high self esteem are:
Assertiveness; caring; compassion; forgiveness; enthusiasm; courage; pride; self care; respect; responsibility; discipline; accountability; openness; warmth; trust; unity; reverence; tolerance’ thankfulness; gratitude and trust
Negative influences on self esteem are unhappy experiences and difficult relationships developed through childhood and in life in general; created by lack of self confidence, which is a distorted negative self image, causing great emotional pain. Low self esteem is linked to depression and anxiety leading to feelings of being a victim and powerless to have any control over oneself.
Negative or low self esteem shows itself by lethargy, lack of motivation, lack of self respect and respect for others, lack of responsibility, addictive behaviours, being a ‘victim’ (blames and depends on others for their needs to be met), lack of pride, lack of self control and self love, being taking advantage of, allowing abuse (giving and taking) and giving too much to others at the sake of ones own needs and fulfilment.
When you live with low or negative self esteem, your life is unpredictable, erratic, sad, unfulfilled, unhealthy (physically and emotionally), unchallenging, meaningless, joylessness and you are unable to reach your true potential.
Self care/ Self Love is the first step to building self esteem. Take the time to forgive others, then surround yourself with positive, motivated people and situations. Believe there is a higher intelligence at play, guiding you in the right direction to happiness!
By Delappe’ Russell
Counsellor/Psychotherapist Flourish Life Design